my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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