Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
