dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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