Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
