Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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