What did we do last night that was yellow?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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