he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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