im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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