you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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