So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
one two three fourrrrnication!
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
