Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
