He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
