Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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