Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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