were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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