i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
