My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
