If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
