I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
