the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
