A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
