when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize