There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
