sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
