I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
