I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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