I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
