My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
