3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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