i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I currently don't understand fingers.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
