NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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