he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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