we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
