On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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