I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Small penises have feelings too.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
