Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
