Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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