3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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