then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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