There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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