Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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