Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize