Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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