I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The Olympian is in my bed
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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