U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
