Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
