When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
