You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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