next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize