Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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