i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
