I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
