Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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