the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize