I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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