I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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