How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
