You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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