Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
