just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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