this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
