It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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