My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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