were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
