soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
whose ass print is on the piano?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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