My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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