He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
