i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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