he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
