Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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